So Tired...

A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse! Truer words were never spoken, as I would give anything for a healthy steed upon which to finish out this journey. My feet burn with the fury of a thousand suns, aching and screaming for me to stop walking, to take a break. However, our merry group has taken enough reprieves for the day, and thus, I am forced to trudge onward, dragging this ridiculous bag of relics close behind. Oh, what a burden my profession has become! For all the riches that these items have brought me, I am being repaid with an unbelievable amount of physical stress. Sweat pours down my brow at this very moment, stinging my eyes and blurring the words in this journal.

How I loathe the sun and the heat and all of the other unfavorable conditions we have met upon this journey.

Walking For God

As I am writing this, my legs feel as if they were made of rubber. My horse was spooked today and threw me off his back and ran into the woods faster then a bolt of lightening. We looked for about an hour trying to find him, but the Knight was persistent and said we could not waste anymore time looking. The others tried to accommodate me by allowing me to ride with them in shifts, but I told them I did not want to impose on them. Actually, I found them all to be quite bothersome and preferred to walk by myself. I am hoping that by tomorrow I will be able to grant some pardons in return for a new horse. Until then I can only hope we do not travel very far.

Early retirement

Now that I am restocked life is good again. I am still pretty angry about what happened before but now business is flowing again. People are lining up from all over the place to be forgiven. This is so easy it should be a crime. At first I did not think I would make much money on this trip especially considering the robbery. However, things have begun to look up. With all the money I have been making as of late, I should be able to retire early. With this newfound wealth I’ll soon be resting on the beach drinking mead with Tupac.

Back in Business!

After yesterday’s fiasco I realized I needed to buy some more holy relics, or steal them back so I could make my living. So I got to thinking and since we’ve been traveling through so many places we were bound to cross paths with someone like myself. I didn’t think that day would come so sudden! Today as we stopped in a small village off of the path to clean our cuts and rest from the fight, a man arrived on horse announcing the gifts he was selling. Before he could say too much I rushed to him and began to bargain pardons for what I would claim as holy relics. When I asked if he had any sins he wished to rid of he said he had murdered someone and was never cought and wished to be pardoned. Without thought I just gave him a pardon figuring if he was really sorry he would be forgiven in time, and received seven gifts I would sell as blessed items! I think I’ll make some of them be… the holy bible of Judas and the cloth that the woman used to wipe Jesus’ face. I’m back in business.

Bandits

My relics—all of them gone! Those heathens! Our pilgrimage has come to an abrupt halt, as a group of dastardly bandits ambushed us. The knight, while not my favorite person, held them off alongside his son for quite some time, but those cretins were too many. They overwhelmed us and held us at the point of a blade, demanding all valuables and offering only death in return. There was little I could do but shout in protest as they rummaged through my bags, taking everything they could get their hands on, even venturing so far as to steal Christ’s very bones!

How do I make my living now?

Smarter Than Your Boss?

It is now day thirteen and I have once again met a new pilgrim, the Reeve. He is quite a smart fellow. He takes care of his lord’s estate and is always by the book, or so he says. If you’re by the book, then why do you steal money from your lord? Some how I don’t comprehend that. I certainly wouldn’t want to have him working for me. The sad part is that his lord can’t do anything about it because he’s not smart enough to realize he is losing his profits. However, I must say that this is an opportune moment for me to work my wits and pardon this man, for a good price of course. I mean he steals money from his lord, so he should be able to pay a pretty high price. I wonder how much I should charge him.

So i met the Guild Boys..

Yesterday I had mentioned how this pilgrimage would be worth my time and effort and be good for my soul when I finally get to St. Thomas A Beckett, but today I met those who thought very different. They were a lively crew of young men who were carpenters, construction workers, welders or whatever they claimed to be. We were all getting ready to eat and the few of them invited themselves to sit at my table and start more than just small talk. It was obvious that they were drinking and saw these evenings as time to party away from their young wives who must have had the upper hand in the relationship. They laughed and joked about what the deal was with this “shrine” we were all traveling to, and how they were only doing this so that their wives didn’t harass them or tell everyone how they were like childish little girls for not going on this long, rough journey for their beloved God. I find them ridiculous yet somehow they remind me of my youth, being loud and only wanting to have fun. I think they are genuinely good men, but if they continue this behavior I will probably just want to push them off of their horses and tell them to walk home until they are ready themselves to do this. Some peoples kids..

Amazing Food

This pilgrimage is very hard and long, but I know in the end it will be well worth my time and effort. I would have to say the best thing about this trip (besides the money I’m making) would have to be the food. The Cook is so good I feel as if my mother is making all these meals. I wonder if he would want a job of cooking me meals everyday back in England. Maybe I could offer him free pardons everyday for my meals. That would be a really good deal, for me anyway. I think I will go and talk to this good gentleman right now.

Fraud

Today, I have come to the realization that everyone else on this pilgrimage holds himself or herself much higher than me, and I cannot take it anymore. They continually boast about their accomplishments and adventures that one can only believe to be nothing other than absolutely false. For instance, when riding with the Doctor yesterday I thought that he was a genuine person, but then today he would not stop talking about how he can predict the condition of a person simply by looking at the stars. How can this be? There is no one in this world that I know of that can do this. And he has the audacity to question me about my religious practices, even though I am a man of God. It is absolutely ridiculous that he is the one to be questioning me while he is untruthful about his abilities as a doctor. That my friends is a sin.

The 9th Day..

Today I got to share my horse with the Doctor, who was actually good company. “No one could talk as well as he did about medicine,” Chaucer had told me a few days ago, but it was obvious that he was being sarcastic. This man actually diagnosis illness’s by the alignment of the stars. I’m glad I don’t go to the doctors often, I wouldn’t want to be taking medicine that had nothing to do with actually helping me. He was quite the character though. He didn’t talk much of medicine; rather he spoke of what the stars held in store for everyone. He told me my horoscope and it made me laugh because he spoke of how money was coming for me soon, even though I had low hopes of that. He was just like me in some ways when it came to doing things for the wrong reason. We both decided that we didn’t really want to be the way we are, but we needed the money and had high standards that we didn’t want to lose. Oh well. Hopefully we can travel together another time so we can laugh about everyone’s horoscopes and predict more of mine that will hopefully be accurate.

A BIG guy

I have now been traveling for over a week on my horse with these other pilgrims and life is not too bad considering. While I was eating today I was debating on who to talk to next about their sins and what price I should charge them when I overheard the Miller talking. He was saying how he pushes down on the scales to cheat the people out of their money. That is such a good idea. I mean this guy is the biggest fellow I have ever seen, so the slightest push and he can get more money for his grain. I was thinking about the price I should charge him for his sins, but I am not sure if I should talk to him or not seeing that he is a huge fellow. I will have to rethink my approach for him. That would be the question of the day. How can I approach a big man about his sins without being beat up?

The Seventh Day

Well, I don’t know much about religion and God, but didn’t God rest on the seventh day? My question is why on earth are we still traveling? My butt hurts from riding all day and all these relics are getting pretty heavy to carry around. The pilgrims I am meeting seem to be falling for all the guilt trips I am telling them, so hopefully I will be able to get more of these relics off my horse and myself. It looks like we might be stopping for the day. It’s about time, I could go for a big meal and I need to count my money to make sure I still have it all and that no one took any of it.

Day Six's Thoughts

Six days of traveling with these stingy pilgrims has not been necessarily kind to my wallet. I have managed only two sales, which pales in contrast to my original expectations. Perhaps I will have to lower my prices, although I truly hope it never comes to that. In all my years in this profession, not once have I been forced to accept less money than I had originally asked, and I would loathe such a scenario. The problem lies with people like the knight—pretentious and self-righteous—who deny my services and, in the process, disrespect the church. He claims to be a man of God, yet puts himself above the services offered by Pope. Were I a larger man, perhaps I would have put him in his place. But alas—a small, fragile man am I, and so I must merely seethe in solitude.

Before I retire for the night, I can only ask myself one question; who else upon this vast adventure can I exploit?

Meeting Chaucer

It is now day five and I keep meeting new people everyday. So far everyone I have met has helped my business but now that we are further into our journey I am worried that business won’t keep up. The reason why I am feeling this way is because of one of the pilgrims I met today. His name is Geoffrey Chaucer and there is something about him that I just don’t like. He watches everyone and what they do. I hope he doesn’t figure out that I’m a fraud. If he does find out and tells everyone, my life is surely over.

Day Four

The fourth day of my pilgrimage and my business is doing quite well. I met the Skipper as I was walking today and he is definitely not a trust worthy man. He is obsessed with winning so he kills all his opponents on the sea. It is also reported that he’s a thief and steals wine. Now I know to guard my wallet every second of this trip. I fear that he will take back the money he gave me, or he will take all my earnings and then this whole trip will be worth nothing. I mean it’s not like I’m going on this trip just to see the holy shrine. I am a man that needs money to live and other people’s sins are keeping my business alive.

Epic Tale

Today is the third day of my epic tale. So far it has been going rather well. I made a fantastic sale yesterday from a rather promiscuous woman. She was certainly in need of that wonderful item, judging by her story. Today I met and interesting fellow. He was tall and strong and had many stories of battle and victory. Any man of war must need to be forgiven for his sins in battle. Thus, I tried to make him my next customer. However, he did not think my services were worth the price. Only a fool would reject my wares.

Meeting the Wife of Bath

Today I went looking for someone in need of some forgiveness and I ran into a woman known as the Wife of Bath. Right away I knew that she would be a great victim and I could see that she was a woman who liked attention, so I figured I could give her some. After talking to her I found out that she has had five husbands and that is how she got her name. I showed her all of my holy relics that she could buy and she took a special likeness to the Virgin Mary’s veil. I knew this trip would be worth my while. She purchased the veil and got her sins pardoned. My wallet is ever grateful for that.

The Beginning

The Tabard Inn is definitely a fantastic place to begin this voyage, considering the types of people who normally congregate in such an establishment. After all, alcohol—ale and the like—often leads to bad and immoral decisions, and that is where I, the Pardoner, come in. That is where I make my living, in the faults of others.

I can tell from the looks of those herein that there are a great many sinful travelers passing through here, many of which I will likely end up traveling alongside. This pilgrimage to Saint Thomas a Beckett brings out all types of people—the rich, the poor, the greedy (I would know), the honest, and just about any other caste in existence, leaving me with plenty of opportunity to fill my wallet.

I truly cannot wait.